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Eight Years Together
7/28/2008
Eight years ago today Will and I moved in to this house. We've declared that date our de-facto anniversary as marriage isn't exactly an option. Eight years is a good haul. We've had our ups and downs and the last year has been kinda rocky, but we've stuck it out and things are definitely looking brighter.
They say that the seventh year in a relationship particularly difficult. That something about that stretch of time really stresses a couple to fracture and head their different directions. Statistics I've read cite first marriages ending in divorce on the average at the 8 year mark, gay ones about at 8.9. My personal experience with friends and family seem to agree. Why? I'm no love guru but the big reasons seem obvious:
Accommodations rubbed raw - After seven years you become much more aware of the daily compromises a relationship demands. It's easy to become lazy and/or resentful about making them.
Mid-life crises - If you marry in your late 20s then by 7 years in you're staring at 40 and wondering how many more years of being sexually attractive you have. It's tempting to start viewing your mate as a barrier to your dwindling time in the dating/sex pool.
Novelty, by definition, doesn't last - It's almost impossible to be new, fresh, or at all surprising to someone you've woken up next to for that long.
Divergent Directions - This is probably the hardest of all. The previous ones are things you can, and probably should, work at. Those three are going to crop up in ANYONE you date so swapping partners in only a temporary solution at best. But if you and your mate are genuinely heading in wildly different directions in life... I don't have any advice on this one. Maybe that's an answer in and of itself...
I don't mean to sound so gloomy on a day where I actually feel quite happy! It's just that the last your has been a bit tough and I'd like to think that awareness of some of the stresses has helped us get past them.
7/28/2008 | Permanent Link
