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A Visit to the -ahem- "Men's" Store
5/31/2006
What do you think of when someone says the phrase "Mens Store"? At first you might imagine a place that sells tough, functional clothing -- bold and masculine dress suited for classic men's activities like hunting, hiking, and sports. But of course, that's not what they sell. No, they sell delicate almost dainty garb of the most timid and impractical kind. With a few exceptions, the mens store essentially sells one thing: the suit. This foppish outfit is constructed of flimsy cloth and is designed to hide as much as is possible of the wearer. All suits are essentially the same -- varying only in their choice of muted colors offered. They are usually worn with a sort of silk leash (commonly referred to as a necktie), and it is only in this small scrap of cloth that any real variation in color and style is allowed.
Last year, amid the multiple weddings, my parents decided it was time I had a proper suit. So they dragged Will and I out to a mens store to see what could be done for our appalling lack of formal wear. Will and I aren't too much for dressing up. In fact, the whole outing was more than a bit humorous. My brother (who is WAY into clothing) and dad had quite the chuckle over our fashion ineptness.
SALESMAN: "how long would you like the cuffs on you pants?"
ME: "Uh, I don't know. No cuffs I guess -- that looks best to me."
SALESMAN: (Literally laughing in my face) "No Cuffs!! Ho, ho, ho! Oh, no, you don't want to look like a military man! No, no, I think half-cuffs are what you need."
ME: (in resignation) "Sure. Half-cuffs..."
ME: "I think it's a little tight."
SALESLADY: "Oh on, it's fits you just right."
ME: "But I can't even bring my elbows together! It is a sport's jacket right? What sort of sport could you possibly play if you can't even bring your elbows together?"
MOM: "It's fine, he'll take it."
ME: "Why won't anyone listen to my opinions? I am the one who lives with another man. I am the only designer in the family! DOESN'T THAT COUNT FOR ANYTHING??"
MY BROTHER'S WIFE: (smiling) "Hmm. Here, try this tie on."
Some winds are best met with acquiescence...
5/31/2006 | Permanent Link
